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Thriving at Work – A Commitment to Self-Care

Work. For many people, “work” is a dirty little four-letter word associated with stress and misery. Sadly, work is something many of us endure rather than enjoy. What if the goal was not to survive but actually thrive at work?

Thriving requires a commitment to self-care – and not just after work or on weekends. In order to thrive personally and professionally, we can create habits that support our well-being while we are at work. After all, work is where most of us spend the majority of our waking hours!

The first step is to get organized. Self-care does not happen by accident. Make a list of goals and activities and gradually begin re-shaping your work day. Keep in mind that it generally takes 21 days to create new habits or make lasting change. Here are a few ideas to get you started:

Hydrate yourself– Most of us drink too little water. Buy a large water bottle and add sliced lemons or essential oils. Set reminders on your phone or calendar to ensure that you drink 48 ounces of infused water every day.

Take a lunch break– As tempting as it can be to work through the lunch hour, use this time to unplug from technology and rejuvenate. Take a walk, meet a friend for lunch, hop on your bike or, if possible, take a fitness class. Packing a healthy lunch saves money and allows time for other activities that can help you thrive.

Stock up on healthy snacks– Rather than running to the nearest vending machine or coffee shop for an afternoon pick me up, stock your desk with protein rich foods to increase focus and stabilize blood sugar. Drink herbal teas in the afternoon to ensure you sleep well.

Connect with people– Social connection is linked to improved health and happiness. Share lunch with one or two colleagues or participate in company activities. Be interested in others. Take time to connect in ways that feel authentic and enriching for you.

Advocate for your needs– Whether you need an ergonomic assessment of your work station, a different lighting option or a flexible work schedule – ask!  Don’t be shy about creating a healthy work situation for yourself. This signals to your boss that you are committed to working happily and successfully!

Craft your job– If you are longing for new challenges, be proactive in seeking training, shadowing and job enrichment activities. Employees who are continually learning and growing are much happier (i.e. likely to stick around!) than those who let themselves become stagnate and bored.

Get moving– A step tracking tool helps increase activity. If you have a desk job, get creative in looking for ways to add steps to your day. Gentle stretching at your desk is another way to practice self-care and reduce tension.

Create an inspiring workspace– Your desk or office should reflect your commitment to self-care and wellbeing. An orderly and beautiful workspace can increase creativity and instill a sense of calm – even when work gets stressful!

Breathe– Set a calendar reminder to take 5 deep breaths several times a day. The simple act of breathing deeply does wonders to reduce stress, increase brain function and re-set our attitudes.

These are just a few ideas. Take time to create your own wellness plan. By focusing on self-care throughout the work day, your productivity and energy will rise, and your overall job satisfaction will increase. No more survival mode. It is time to thrive!

Now is always the right the time to choose to work in happy and healthy ways!

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Healing from Workplace Pain

I am not referring to the discomfort of sitting in non-ergonomic chair for too many hours each day. Although physical pain associated with our jobs is an important issue, what I am talking about here are the deeper psychological wounds that we suffer at work.

We suffer when we are laid off, fired, or even when we quit of our own accord. We may also suffer from different forms of harassment. I have had a few run-ins with toxic co-workers. Women can be incredibly mean to one another.  Workplace bullying is a pervasive problem.

And then we have horrible bosses. Bad bosses can range anywhere from evil incarnate to narcissistic egomaniacs to unenlightened fools. I have worked for three, what I would call “dispassionate leaders.” These are the bosses who are initially drawn to our spark. They seem nice enough but they make a habit of using people then casting them aside like so much trash.

More than once I have felt exactly like the butt of a cigarette. The light was sucked right out of me and a twisting toe attempted to grind me into a bit of worthless ash. Yes, that is what it feels like to be discarded.

I am a slow learner. It took several of these experiences before I realized a pattern. It took many years before I was able to see myself as a willing partner in this misery. Eventually, I made the choice to move beyond being a victim to being responsible. Response-able.

My clients share stories of workplace suffering. I can truly empathize with the pain they are feeling. The tricky part for me is resisting the urge to “fast forward” the process of someone’s healing. I cannot “transfer” my way of processing painful career experiences to someone else. It is a very personal journey.

There are often underlying issues that make some people more susceptible than others to workplace bullying and suffering. Early childhood experiences, previous trauma, and one’s current emotional health and wellbeing are just a few of the complexities that come into play. Still, I wonder about the best ways to help clients.

Many of my clients are in psychotherapy to deal with the underlying issues. They often confess that mental health therapists don’t really understand the workplace. And not all career counselors have the therapeutic skills or “real world” experience to effectively work with clients on a deeper level.

It can be a catch 22. On the one hand, getting to the root of our issues is important. On the other hand, we need to be able to get through the workday and collect a paycheck. Most of us cannot suspend earning a living until we are all healed up and strong.

I have no quick fixes. But I have learned a few things that may be helpful to you as you move through career pain and suffering.

First, in order to grow, we must accept responsibility for what we have done to contribute to where we are at in life. If we have no responsibility, then we have little ability to change. And, I fully realize that this may feel like a slap in the face, like salt to your wounds.

In the therapeutic setting I work hard to know when someone is ready to go deeper and consider this possibility. In a trusting counseling partnership, clients can feel my unconditional appreciation and genuine empathy. In a blog, I am pretty sure I am just pissing some of you off.

Still, this approach can help us move beyond being the willing victim. Once we accept responsibility we can focus on our desired responses to the complex people and situations we encounter.

The other day I was hiking in a nearby wooded area. I frequent these trails many times each week. On this particular day, an off leash pit-bull came running out of nowhere towards my dog and me. The pit-bull grabbed a hold of my dog’s neck and I stood by screaming helplessly.

Eventually the pit-bull’s owner was able to pull her dog off of mine. I was angry. I felt victimized by the completely unprovoked attack. I checked my dog and thankfully discovered no puncture wounds. The pit-bull and owner hiked down the trail and I decided to continue up the mountain.

As I walked, I replayed the incident in my mind. As the shock and anger subsided I realized that I needed to be better prepared. This was not the first time I had encountered dogs off leash. This time it could have been a fight to the death. What could I do to avoid this in the future?

I went back to the “scene of the crime” and re-wrote the final lines. This is an exercise I often have my clients do as they process their workplace suffering.

In the case of the pit-bull encounter, I envisioned a can of pepper spray attached to my belt. As the dog ran towards me, I aimed and fired. The spray landed right in the dog’s face. The pit-bull immediately stopped in its tracks to shake off the poison. The owner got to her dog and attached the leash. I had a sturdy walking stick in case the dog continued towards me but I did not have to use it. The pepper spray did the trick.

As I reimagined this version of the encounter over and over in my mind, I felt strong and protected. I felt responsible to my dog as well as to myself. Rather than feeling like a victim, I felt empowered to handle future incidents. Fear and anger were replaced by a sense of calm assurance. I was not preoccupied by what I thought someone else should do. I was keenly focused inward on how I wanted to behave.

Granted, there are dangers and risks that I may encounter for which a can of pepper spray and a stick are simply no match. There is no way to completely protect ourselves from all predators in the woods or in the workplace. Still, I can be more mindful of my surroundings, more self-aware, and more prepared for situations. I can be strong and powerful and stand my ground. And, I can always choose my response.

One thing I know for sure is that eventually, if we allow it to be so, the most painful of experiences can lead to personal growth. The more difficult the challenge, the more likely it is that we can experience true transformation.

I could write for hours and hours about this topic. Maybe a book will be born. In the meantime, I will end with this quote:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl

 P.S.  Pepper spray is not intended for use on horrible bosses or workplace bullies!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Your Ideal Day

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If your life was a blank canvas, imagine the colors and shapes you would want to use to create the life you want. How would it look? What images symbolize the life you want?

If you are musically inclined, you can think about this in terms of notes on a piano. How would you like the notes to be arranged to represent the life you want to live?

Imagine an empty vase and a table full of cut flowers. Each flower represents an important part of your life. What would each flower stand for and how would you arrange them?

Each of us has a unique set of needs and desires in terms of creating an ideal life. My vase would be full of big, colorful flowers to represent family, friends, time in nature, one on one time with clients, speaking, teaching, writing, collaborating, doing yoga, walking with my dog, swimming in the ocean, nurturing my body with good food, and learning new things. There would be small sprays of greenery and baby’s breath to represent mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion. There would be daisies sprinkled throughout because they remind me of my Mom who gave me the gift of life. I see rosebuds and thorns because I want to embrace pain and suffering as part of the journey.

I often ask my clients to journal about their Ideal Day. It is a wonderful way for them to begin to visualize how they want their lives to look and feel. I encourage them to get really granular and down to the nitty gritty. Here is the prompt they receive:

Find a quiet spot and set aside a time when you will not be interrupted for about an hour or so. Give yourself this gift of time and space to really think about and imagine the ways you want your life to look and feel. You may light a candle or brew a cup of tea to create a sacred space.

 Begin to journal about a day that involves work. Imagine what time you will wake up. Include your morning routine, the foods you eat, the clothes you wear. Think about the people you want to work with and the impact you want to have in the world. What skills do you want to use and what is the role you dream of having at work? Imagine how you spend your lunch hour and how you interact with the community if this is important to you. You can continue your ideal day all the way until bedtime. Think about your evening meal, how you spend the evening hours. Imagine the routines or rituals you want in your ideal day.

Next, journal about a day of play. Follow the same process from the moment you arise until the time your head hits the pillow.

Give it a try. Journal about your Ideal Day. See what comes up for you. Chances are that there are already many things working perfectly in your life. Notice what is already IDEAL. Notice too, the few things you might like to add to your life in order to make it more rich and satisfying.

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Intentional Living – My August Facebook Challenge

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It was a rainy summer and my workload was heavy. I was trying to be happy about both of these things but as August approached I felt myself getting grumpy. Summer was passing me by. To make matters worse, I read in the Farmer’s Almanac that we were going to have an early and cold winter this year. Glum.

Keep in mind that I was born and raised in a place where summer comes early and where Indian Summer is a season all its own. The long, lazy days of summer fuel my creativity. It’s as if I need summer in order to store up enough energy to see me through the dark days of winter.

Not only that, but I am a career counselor who helps others create lives that make sense and feel good. What kind of example was I setting?

On August 1st, I gave myself a challenge. Despite the heavy workload, I set an intention to infuse every single day of the month with a little snippet of summer.

Thirty-one days later here is what I know for sure.

You won’t “find time” to do the things you want to do. You need to make time to do what matters most to you.

And you won’t even make the time unless you set a very clear intention about what it is you are trying to accomplish.

And, private intentions are well and good. But, what can really help is if you announce your intentions to the world.

One of the things that kept me on track was that I announced my challenge on Facebook.

I regretted this on more than one occasion. I offer a sincere apology to the friends who have had to endure my daily posts. On the other hand, I hope I have inspired others to take a look at what matters most to them.

Finally, think small! It was the little things such as lounging on my deck reading a stack of magazines that felt the most luxurious and decadent.

I did not want the self-imposed challenge to turn into work or pressure of any kind. It was easy-breezy summer joy that I was after. And that is what I found tucked here and there between all the other things that I need to do each day.

So, here my challenge for you. Look at what is not feeling good or making sense in your life. What could you do for 30 days straight to create a new habit and to begin living in closer alignment to the life of your dreams? To keep yourself honest, you may want to announce your intention on Facebook or perhaps you can find an accountability partner to share the journey.

August is just a few days from gone and you can feel a touch of fall in the air. Last night, we added an extra blanket to the bed! I am ready for fall and the winter that is just around the corner. I am no longer mourning the summer that almost passed me by. I am celebrating every single day and that is what makes sense and feels good to me.

 

 

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