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Got Hope?

As you might expect, it is a busy time to be a career counselor. I cannot recall ever being this busy in July. During the summer, people are typically off enjoying the outdoors and they put off making any big career decisions until the fall. This year, it seems that nothing is as it used to be.

In early March, as the pandemic was beginning to take hold of the country, fear became a dominant emotion. Health concerns and financial worries left me wondering how I would be able to bring hope to my clients. I did a deep dive into the topic of hope and came out of the experience feeling a renewed sense of peace.

I am a positive person by nature. I tend to see the possibilities in challenging times and typically enjoy figuring my way around the obstacles that pop up. For me, life is a lot like crossing a creek. Which rock looks stable?  Should we go this way or that?  What if I fall?  Wow, this water is running fast. Maybe I need to rethink this path entirely and look for another trail.

I rarely let myself become immobilized by fear. I am willing to take a risk and see what happens. I like to take action. It is so much easier to push a moving train onto a new track. Imagine trying to move a train that is parked at a standstill. Much harder. So, I keep plugging along, skipping from rock to rock, switching courses as needed even when the going gets tough.

When the pandemic became the obstacle, I found myself at a standstill. I felt like a parked train. Heavy and stuck.  If I was unsure how to move forward, how could I coach my clients through this uncharted territory? It is well researched that hope is key to making a successful career transition. If I was feeling hopeless, how on earth could I help others find a sense of confidence and optimism?

During the deep dive, I discovered something. Hope is so much more than donning a pair of rose-colored glasses and forging ahead. Hope is definitely not a sense of blind optimism. Real hope comes from understanding the seriousness of a situation and reckoning with it.

My clients are facing lay-offs, furloughs and company closings in the midst of a pandemic. Unemployment is at an all-time high. These are serious challenges. Hope has come from being willing to look at the challenges they are facing head on without flinching away.  As I have held space for my clients to explore what is happening to them personally in context of world events, they have begun to see glimmers of hope.

Some found hope that they could finally pursue a career that suited them. Others have discovered they absolutely loved working from home and want to find new ways to do this.  Clients are exploring all new industries in which to transfer their talents.  One hopeful client recently purchased a restaurant and is launching a reopening for 2021. The new and the next is beckoning.

I held space. I looked into darkness along with my clients. I gently asked, “What is your biggest fear right now?” Then we looked at their fears without flinching away. We analyzed the situation and did some calculations. It is better to go this way or that? It was in this process of reckoning that even the biggest fears started to appear just a little less daunting.

If I had been handing out false hope, I think many of my clients would still be stuck. Being realistic about the situation allowed for planning to take place. Forward motion began to happen, and so many of my clients are well on their way to creating new chapters.

Sometimes I provided hopeful ideas and suggestions. I am good at brainstorming and pathfinding. However, the truth is that the clients themselves who are showing me the way across the rocky stream. They are the ones doing the brave work of figuring their way forward.  I have the honor and privilege of observing the resiliency of the human spirit. For every bit of hope I have provided, it has been returned to me a hundred times over during the past few months.

You may be facing a fork in the road in your life or in your career right now. Taking the road less traveled may seem like a foolhardy way to go.  These are dire times, don’t ya know?  However, if not now, when?  When will you find the courage to explore new ways of living and working?  The courage to forge a new path will not come from blindly stumbling your way forward.  It will come from taking a good hard look at the perils that lie ahead, making a plan and going for it.  Hope happens when face our fears not when we pretend that they do not exist.

 

 

 

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The Hero’s Career Journey

We are all familiar with the hero’s journey. In a nutshell, a hero’s journey is about conquering our fears and overcoming incredible obstacles to go in search of something rare and wonderful. It is the archetype of most movies because we never tire of watching ordinary people do the extra-ordinary.

As a career counselor, I accompany clients on the journey to finding greater purpose and pleasure in their work and in their lives. Each person’s story is unique yet some elements of the hero’s journey play out time and again.

Being called.

We all know stalwart employees who show up at the same job for decades without ever considering doing anything else. More power to them! Then there are those who feel called to a new path. The call could come in the form of an inner yearning, a chance encounter, or a significant life event such as a car accident, lay-off or the passing of a loved one.

I have a client who recently left a secure job in city government to heed a call to build sustainable housing for indigenous and fragile populations. Another is feeling called to leave a high paying healthcare technology gig to coordinate medical mission trips in faraway lands. A third is developing a non-profit that will focus on mentoring at-risk boys.

The hero’s journey begins the moment we decide to answer the call.

Cue the fire breathing dragons.

Heroes have no clue what lies ahead and they go forward anyway. Be forewarned. You will suffer and you will be tested. It is inevitable.

You will face inner demons such as self-doubt, fear of failure or lack of hope. And, you will encounter obstacles and meet up with real world adversaries who seem hell bent on stopping you from reaching your goals. Your job is to overcome each challenge as it arises.

This is the point at which we question ourselves. We wonder if the call was real and we come up with all kinds of logical reasons to scurry back to our hum drum jobs and lives. This is a completely normal plot twist.

In the end, the hero remains committed to the journey. No. Matter. What.

Seek guidance.

Luke Skywalker has Yoda. Dorothy has Glinda the Good Witch. Who will help you along the way? It could be a life coach, a trusted friend, or a colleague that will provide the support you need.

Sometimes all we need is a dose of self-confidence but more often we require practical skills and training to make it to the next stage of the journey. Don’t sit around waiting for a wise mentor to show up out of nowhere. Despite the many similarities, your life is not a movie!

Seek out the help you need to keep moving forward.

Embrace the journey.

Make no mistake, searching for a new career is a hero’s journey. It is a worthy endeavor and requires tenacity, grit, humility and hope. Once we you have embarked on your journey, your life will never be the same.

Even if you don’t quite end up where you intended, you can still choose to feel good about what you accomplished. True heroes celebrate lessons learned and honor the skills they gained along the way. The journey itself is more important than the destination.

For better or worse, the hero’s journey is one worth taking. Why? Because nothing else will bring you closer to self-actualization than staring down your deepest fears to make a dream come true. The greatness inside you is listening. This is your call. Will you answer?

 

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Healing from Workplace Pain

I am not referring to the discomfort of sitting in non-ergonomic chair for too many hours each day. Although physical pain associated with our jobs is an important issue, what I am talking about here are the deeper psychological wounds that we suffer at work.

We suffer when we are laid off, fired, or even when we quit of our own accord. We may also suffer from different forms of harassment. I have had a few run-ins with toxic co-workers. Women can be incredibly mean to one another.  Workplace bullying is a pervasive problem.

And then we have horrible bosses. Bad bosses can range anywhere from evil incarnate to narcissistic egomaniacs to unenlightened fools. I have worked for three, what I would call “dispassionate leaders.” These are the bosses who are initially drawn to our spark. They seem nice enough but they make a habit of using people then casting them aside like so much trash.

More than once I have felt exactly like the butt of a cigarette. The light was sucked right out of me and a twisting toe attempted to grind me into a bit of worthless ash. Yes, that is what it feels like to be discarded.

I am a slow learner. It took several of these experiences before I realized a pattern. It took many years before I was able to see myself as a willing partner in this misery. Eventually, I made the choice to move beyond being a victim to being responsible. Response-able.

My clients share stories of workplace suffering. I can truly empathize with the pain they are feeling. The tricky part for me is resisting the urge to “fast forward” the process of someone’s healing. I cannot “transfer” my way of processing painful career experiences to someone else. It is a very personal journey.

There are often underlying issues that make some people more susceptible than others to workplace bullying and suffering. Early childhood experiences, previous trauma, and one’s current emotional health and wellbeing are just a few of the complexities that come into play. Still, I wonder about the best ways to help clients.

Many of my clients are in psychotherapy to deal with the underlying issues. They often confess that mental health therapists don’t really understand the workplace. And not all career counselors have the therapeutic skills or “real world” experience to effectively work with clients on a deeper level.

It can be a catch 22. On the one hand, getting to the root of our issues is important. On the other hand, we need to be able to get through the workday and collect a paycheck. Most of us cannot suspend earning a living until we are all healed up and strong.

I have no quick fixes. But I have learned a few things that may be helpful to you as you move through career pain and suffering.

First, in order to grow, we must accept responsibility for what we have done to contribute to where we are at in life. If we have no responsibility, then we have little ability to change. And, I fully realize that this may feel like a slap in the face, like salt to your wounds.

In the therapeutic setting I work hard to know when someone is ready to go deeper and consider this possibility. In a trusting counseling partnership, clients can feel my unconditional appreciation and genuine empathy. In a blog, I am pretty sure I am just pissing some of you off.

Still, this approach can help us move beyond being the willing victim. Once we accept responsibility we can focus on our desired responses to the complex people and situations we encounter.

The other day I was hiking in a nearby wooded area. I frequent these trails many times each week. On this particular day, an off leash pit-bull came running out of nowhere towards my dog and me. The pit-bull grabbed a hold of my dog’s neck and I stood by screaming helplessly.

Eventually the pit-bull’s owner was able to pull her dog off of mine. I was angry. I felt victimized by the completely unprovoked attack. I checked my dog and thankfully discovered no puncture wounds. The pit-bull and owner hiked down the trail and I decided to continue up the mountain.

As I walked, I replayed the incident in my mind. As the shock and anger subsided I realized that I needed to be better prepared. This was not the first time I had encountered dogs off leash. This time it could have been a fight to the death. What could I do to avoid this in the future?

I went back to the “scene of the crime” and re-wrote the final lines. This is an exercise I often have my clients do as they process their workplace suffering.

In the case of the pit-bull encounter, I envisioned a can of pepper spray attached to my belt. As the dog ran towards me, I aimed and fired. The spray landed right in the dog’s face. The pit-bull immediately stopped in its tracks to shake off the poison. The owner got to her dog and attached the leash. I had a sturdy walking stick in case the dog continued towards me but I did not have to use it. The pepper spray did the trick.

As I reimagined this version of the encounter over and over in my mind, I felt strong and protected. I felt responsible to my dog as well as to myself. Rather than feeling like a victim, I felt empowered to handle future incidents. Fear and anger were replaced by a sense of calm assurance. I was not preoccupied by what I thought someone else should do. I was keenly focused inward on how I wanted to behave.

Granted, there are dangers and risks that I may encounter for which a can of pepper spray and a stick are simply no match. There is no way to completely protect ourselves from all predators in the woods or in the workplace. Still, I can be more mindful of my surroundings, more self-aware, and more prepared for situations. I can be strong and powerful and stand my ground. And, I can always choose my response.

One thing I know for sure is that eventually, if we allow it to be so, the most painful of experiences can lead to personal growth. The more difficult the challenge, the more likely it is that we can experience true transformation.

I could write for hours and hours about this topic. Maybe a book will be born. In the meantime, I will end with this quote:

“Between stimulus and response, there is a space. In that space is our power to choose a response. In our response lies our growth and our freedom.” Victor Frankl

 P.S.  Pepper spray is not intended for use on horrible bosses or workplace bullies!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Your Ideal Day

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If your life was a blank canvas, imagine the colors and shapes you would want to use to create the life you want. How would it look? What images symbolize the life you want?

If you are musically inclined, you can think about this in terms of notes on a piano. How would you like the notes to be arranged to represent the life you want to live?

Imagine an empty vase and a table full of cut flowers. Each flower represents an important part of your life. What would each flower stand for and how would you arrange them?

Each of us has a unique set of needs and desires in terms of creating an ideal life. My vase would be full of big, colorful flowers to represent family, friends, time in nature, one on one time with clients, speaking, teaching, writing, collaborating, doing yoga, walking with my dog, swimming in the ocean, nurturing my body with good food, and learning new things. There would be small sprays of greenery and baby’s breath to represent mindfulness, gratitude, and self-compassion. There would be daisies sprinkled throughout because they remind me of my Mom who gave me the gift of life. I see rosebuds and thorns because I want to embrace pain and suffering as part of the journey.

I often ask my clients to journal about their Ideal Day. It is a wonderful way for them to begin to visualize how they want their lives to look and feel. I encourage them to get really granular and down to the nitty gritty. Here is the prompt they receive:

Find a quiet spot and set aside a time when you will not be interrupted for about an hour or so. Give yourself this gift of time and space to really think about and imagine the ways you want your life to look and feel. You may light a candle or brew a cup of tea to create a sacred space.

 Begin to journal about a day that involves work. Imagine what time you will wake up. Include your morning routine, the foods you eat, the clothes you wear. Think about the people you want to work with and the impact you want to have in the world. What skills do you want to use and what is the role you dream of having at work? Imagine how you spend your lunch hour and how you interact with the community if this is important to you. You can continue your ideal day all the way until bedtime. Think about your evening meal, how you spend the evening hours. Imagine the routines or rituals you want in your ideal day.

Next, journal about a day of play. Follow the same process from the moment you arise until the time your head hits the pillow.

Give it a try. Journal about your Ideal Day. See what comes up for you. Chances are that there are already many things working perfectly in your life. Notice what is already IDEAL. Notice too, the few things you might like to add to your life in order to make it more rich and satisfying.

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Intentional Living – My August Facebook Challenge

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It was a rainy summer and my workload was heavy. I was trying to be happy about both of these things but as August approached I felt myself getting grumpy. Summer was passing me by. To make matters worse, I read in the Farmer’s Almanac that we were going to have an early and cold winter this year. Glum.

Keep in mind that I was born and raised in a place where summer comes early and where Indian Summer is a season all its own. The long, lazy days of summer fuel my creativity. It’s as if I need summer in order to store up enough energy to see me through the dark days of winter.

Not only that, but I am a career counselor who helps others create lives that make sense and feel good. What kind of example was I setting?

On August 1st, I gave myself a challenge. Despite the heavy workload, I set an intention to infuse every single day of the month with a little snippet of summer.

Thirty-one days later here is what I know for sure.

You won’t “find time” to do the things you want to do. You need to make time to do what matters most to you.

And you won’t even make the time unless you set a very clear intention about what it is you are trying to accomplish.

And, private intentions are well and good. But, what can really help is if you announce your intentions to the world.

One of the things that kept me on track was that I announced my challenge on Facebook.

I regretted this on more than one occasion. I offer a sincere apology to the friends who have had to endure my daily posts. On the other hand, I hope I have inspired others to take a look at what matters most to them.

Finally, think small! It was the little things such as lounging on my deck reading a stack of magazines that felt the most luxurious and decadent.

I did not want the self-imposed challenge to turn into work or pressure of any kind. It was easy-breezy summer joy that I was after. And that is what I found tucked here and there between all the other things that I need to do each day.

So, here my challenge for you. Look at what is not feeling good or making sense in your life. What could you do for 30 days straight to create a new habit and to begin living in closer alignment to the life of your dreams? To keep yourself honest, you may want to announce your intention on Facebook or perhaps you can find an accountability partner to share the journey.

August is just a few days from gone and you can feel a touch of fall in the air. Last night, we added an extra blanket to the bed! I am ready for fall and the winter that is just around the corner. I am no longer mourning the summer that almost passed me by. I am celebrating every single day and that is what makes sense and feels good to me.

 

 

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